The "Fault" with the book, The Fault in Our Stars. *WARNING* May Contains Spoilers but That's Not My Fault! (Blame John Green)

My major issue with this book is mostly because it's about cancer but to make matters worse, it's about kids with cancer. Okay, let me back up and just make a list, this is really a list kind of post.

Why I hate the book, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green:

1.   It's a book about cancer. Cancer sucks ass and there's nothing good about it...ever.
2.   It's a book about kids...with cancer. Kids with cancer sucks ass even more and there's nothing good about it...ever.
3.   It made me cry. A lot. Now I realize that this was going to be a gimme before I even picked up this fucking book, it does have a title that gives a tip of the hat to a Shakespearian quote no less, but regardless, I do want you to know I tried, really, really hard, not to cry. So, I'm guessing you've assumed correctly that it did make me cry, but to my credit, not until page 117!

4.   It actually has a Jodi Piccoult quote on the cover of the book. Jodi Piccoult for God's sake!"Electric...staccato bursts of humor and tragedy." On the FRONT cover!!

5.   Kids, even precocious, smarty pants, pubescent, sex-driven, cancer-riddled teens don't talk like this all of the time.
6.   The author, yes, you, John Green, use the age-old flippity, flip-flop trick of making the reader think things are one way when they are actually the other. Although, I feel that I realized this pages  before it was actually revealed. But then again, perhaps this was simply a tool used for jackwagons like me that provide just enough foreshadowing that I would feel superior and think that I had figured it out well before you actually revealed it, so that in all actuality, I really didn't.
7.   At this point, I feel obligated to pull a Peter Van Houten douche move and not finish the book...just walk away mid-sentence and not finish...your book or even this list for that matter, John.

But. I. Return. To. Finish. Your. Stupid. Book. And. This. Stupid. Review. 

8.   The book ends without really ending, which, I'm assuming John Green figured was a clever move on his part, but it totally sucks since she's reading her own God-damned eulogy when it ends! Which leaves me finishing the book a blubbering pile of goo saying out loud, "God damn you John Green. Leaving me feeling manipulated and used.  

So, let me summarize: I originally stopped reading on page 222, wiping tears off my face, and cursing myself for even picking up the damn thing in the first place. This world will not be made better by reading how the person who was supposed to live, love, or die does or doesn't when they should but rather when the stars dictate. Boo to the stars, life is not fair and therefore life is too short to be lectured by fictional authors (I believe Van Houten was referred to as doucheface by Hazel - I know the feeling!) about how meaningless fiction is in our lives. Then, for Green to inflict his thoughts upon fictional teens with cancer (as if they don't have enough to worry about already!) and force them to ponder such serious subjects about how no one will remember them when they're gone seems like a cruel fate, even for fictional Hazel and Gus.

I don't know if I'll read another John Green novel or not (I'm thinking not). I am guessing that he'll write other books about teens dealing with cutting, sexual abuse, alcohol/drug abuse, bulemia/anorexia, etc. (insert your teen angst-ridden issue of choice, wave the magic John Green wand, add a dash of clever dialogue, and you have another best-selling, potential cheesy blockbuster). I will simply add reading John Green novels to the list of things I have never or will never do again, such as reading a Jodi Picoult book, watching Oprah, or touching an electric fence just to see if it's on. Life is simply too short to make it intentionally painful.

Get Your OWS Snuggies Here!

In an effort to be fair and impartial (right!), I thought I would balance my opinions expressed and supported in my previous post by sharing with all of our OWS supporters out there, some fantastic fashion ideas. Look good and protest too. Wow, what a mantra but there it is. So, if you are preparing to go out as a radical this holiday season, look no further for the perfect designs in protester fashions this holiday season. The following instructions come to you from a great website called Instructables, where you "share what you make".

“The whole world is watching, so dress for it!”  

"Between raids and rain, many occupiers are struggling with improvised winterization. Why cover yourself in a garbage bag when you could model an eye-catching Radical Snuggie made with tear-resistant, fashionable shower curtains? Make your occupation comfy. Stay (quite) warm and (kinda) dry in a Radical Snuggie. Special design features include: * Elastic drawstring transforms your Radical Snuggie into a warm, dry sleeping sac at night * * Or, simply sleep standing up in a mobile cocoon, avoiding those pesky new “park rules” * Layer-look adds heft for burning off extra Occu-Pie and PBJ calories as you hoist this monster Snuggie about * Plus, Velcro signage lets you rest your weary arms on marches * * Built-in scarf turns your witty political statement into a jaunty fashion statement *"

* More Special Add-Ons make your Radical Snuggie imminently customizable to withstand the authority assault weapons of choice in your locale *

Still want more? Try on our Radical Snuggie Add-Ons, a sampler of extra features for turning your Radical Snuggie into a Swiss army knife of resistance!

Here are instructions for the "Gas Mask Hoodie"!

 Or the insulated milk pocket for snacks or handy pepper spray relief.

Is That Even a Word?

Ass-douchary...is that even a word. So, as I checked Urban Dictionary (I knew I would never find it in Webster's) I did find "ass-douche: Gay asshole, that fag thought he could kick my ass what an Ass-Douche" .

Okay, maybe I should back up and preface this post by saying that this phrase was used in a recent Adam Carolla soundbite. It contains material that, individually, will offend everyone on some level, but as a whole, makes complete and total sense. Adam Carolla addresses the issue of Occupy Wall Street participants and makes some excellent points ranging from Chevettes to Burger King Toilets.

He also touches on the issue of what some call the Millenial Generation or Generation Y but Carolla refers to as the Participation Trophy Generation or more simply, The Ass Douches. This group is usually described as narcissistic and entitled young people who tend to reject social conventions. In a nutshell, they are typically white kids, born anytime after 1982, grew up in abundance somewhere in the suburbs, and were raised thinking that "everyone's a winner" and that they are "owed". Carolla promptly craps all over that assumption...Adam has such a potty mouth. I love it!




If that wasn't enough...here's just a little bit more of Adam's juicy OWS rant.

Moment of Lightness

Despite the fact that Obama's 43% approval rating has now dipped below that of Jimmy Carter, there is a funny video that helps ease the harshness of reality for a few moments.

Just a Little Twisted

Alright, I just walked out of a little movie theater in a college town 30 miles north of us where we saw a movie that made me feel like a voyeuristic and twisted little %u@K! I'll start by saying that it had subtitles. I love subtitles! Next, it had Antonio Banderas. I like Antonio. Last, I'll mention that the movie, The Skin I Live In, has such a twisted storyline that I can not even begin to explain it because you won't buy into it unless you watch it for yourself. I'm not saying that you should but if you find yourself... Even after I finished watching it, I was muttering to myself that I still couldn't believe what happened, had happened, even though it did. Then there's my husband who just kept saying, "Yeah, but she was hot!" Twisted.

The Power of a Mother's Love

I picked up the phone only to hear the voice of my son's best friend who had recently joined the Navy. Both my husband and I always enjoyed visiting with him and our family has missed having him around, almost as if he were one of our own. As I told him that our son wasn't home, I asked him how he was doing. That's when I started tearing up. I told him that I was sorry but I was just so proud of him and happy that he was doing so well.

While that emotional reaction was still fairly fresh, I found myself tearing up again while half-watching 20/20. They were covering the story about a soldier who was killed in Iraq. The story took a turn when I began listening to the mother's story. She shared how she felt funny one morning, only to discover later that her son had been killed at approximately that moment. As her family dealt with the terrible loss of their son they found themselves looking at photos of her son, Justin, only to discover that these photos in particular had been taken the day before he was killed. In the photos Justin and his comrades were seen holding up puppies that they had found. As shown in the picture below, Justin was enjoying this particular little guy.

That's when his mom got the idea. She wanted the puppy that Justin was seen holding. Most people thought this was impossible. A stray puppy in Iraq. Only a mother would have the faith needed to believe that this little guy could be found. After much pressure, mom got her way and the puppy was rescued from Iraq, brought to the states, and given to Justin's family, where he was christened, Hero. What a perfect ending to a sad story...the power of a mother's love!

If that weren't enough, 20/20, while filming this story, caught this picture of Hero on the back deck - beautiful!



You Know You've Met Her

We've all come across people who send up a "red flag". Often times they amuse for awhile but you soon figure out that you really just need to stay as far away as possible. SNL did a perfume commercial of such a person for which the scent was called, Red Flag. I think that maybe it's based on Elizabeth Taylor's perfume commercial called White Diamonds, too funny!

From Russia With Love

This video was simultaneously a hilarious, appalling, and sad expression of what many other countries think of us...thank you, Mr. Obama. I do appreciate the fact that the newscaster, while being so prim and proper up to that point, uses the sign language only while invoking Obama's name.  I suppose it's all a little tit for tat, as President Obama has used the same method of expressing himself when speaking of John McCain and Hilary Clinton. You sir, are classy...FAIL!

Early Christmas for Catholics

When the mega-church, Crystal Cathedral, was originally built in 1980, few would imagine that one day the Catholic Church would own the ostentatious 40 acre complex, complete with over 10,000 glass panes. And all for the low, low price of $57.5 million dollars...Merry Early Christmas Catholic neighbors!

In order to avoid belaboring the hypocrisy in not only this purchase, but most organized religions, I thought we could take a moment to reflect on our own spending this holiday season. So, as we eagerly look forward to perusing our way through the Black Friday ads next week, with the selfless act of helping our economy get back on track by purchasing the biggest and cheapest electronics ever made, and probably not even in the USA, let's take a moment, a deep breath, and consider the true meaning of Christmas. For your convenience, I've listed some films that might assist you in this activity. First a film that I've not seen, but have at the top of my "to-do" list, along with two of my all-time favorite Christmas films. Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!

 

Proof Positive

My youngest son loves cats. In fact, he is the single reason we still have a cat. Her name is Abbie and while she is an indoor/outdoor cat, she is mostly on her own and probably on her seventh life by now. The only person who escorts her into the house, while protecting her from two large dogs, is that youngest son. While we do provide a litter box and food for her, he is the sole provider of any attention that she garners. I do have to say that she is awesome for a cat. She can scrap it up with any neighborhood cat around and she does on occasion. On top of that, she is the oldest 12 year old kick-ass kitty around these parts.

As a dog lover, I hold the opinion that cat people can be a little weird, with the exception of my son ;) It is now my burden to provide ongoing proof, when available, that this is a fact. Here is my first submission, which was first shown to me by my son, of course!

Okay, Now I'm Annoyed!

I have an issue with striking teachers in general. I understand the need for negotiations to obtain good working conditions, pay, and benefits. It is when they allow their need for control to interfere with the education of children. Tacoma teachers in Washington are now striking despite a court order calling for them to return to work. There was even one teacher interviewed who said that he is doing this to "model to our students what correct behavior looks like..." Hmmm, sounds hypocritical to me but what do I know, I homeschool my children!

Why We Can Never Forget

It's so painful to actually sit and think about what happened 10 years ago yesterday, yet that date has come and gone. As this date approached, I found myself wondering why can't we just forget about it. It was horrific. Why relive it?



Then I hear about people who are so hate filled. These types of actions are what make me realize we can't forget this event, ever. Not with people in the world who would do this as a response. Hate continues to thrive in this world.



It is only when individuals come together as a collective people can we then fight against it...through love...which I think is exemplified here...telling the loved ones of those who perished with the towers 10 years ago and those who serve day in and day out...thank you, you are not forgotten.

The Overwhelmed Mind

I find myself with a summer in front of me and so many things to do, I wonder if I'm going to get to any of my "to do" list...So, to assist in my efforts to read as many of the books on my radar as possible I'm going to list them here as a reminder. Perhaps, you'll find something worthwhile!

 
 

Laugh Riot

Occasionally, and I do mean occasionally, I find the need to go to Walmart. You know how I dislike Costco but I dislike Walmart even more, so, I had to laugh when I came across this video and if you'd rather gaze and ponder each one, check out the People of Walmart website...enjoy!

Oh My God!

When I first read the headline, It Is Done, my first thought was, "Oh no, now she thinks she's Jesus Christ!" Who else would take those three simple words uttered by Christ and use it to refer to themselves? Yup, very few people would even try it and it wasn't Donald Trump so, that must mean it was Oprah...

Let's take a look at the original quote from the King James Version found in Revelation 21:6; 'And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.'  There it is. One of the most powerful, meaningful, and shortest sentences, other than, "Jesus wept." But here we have Oprah saying it...sheesh!

Now, I've never been an audience member of the Oprah Show but I do realize that there are many frenzied, American housewives who would attest to the freely given gifts from Oprah. But the only similarities that I can think of between Oprah and Jesus Christ are that both are known by only one name, they are both known for giving "gifts freely", and they are loved by millions of people worldwide. There's even a website where you can become an official fan of Oprah.

While I'm the first to admit that I was a fan of Oprah's pre-millennium, I will also tell you adamantly that I am not a fan of her's now. I recall with fondness the relate-able, non-zillionaris, and regular appearance of the "old" younger, ugly-sweater wearing Oprah. I watched her when I could in high school and enjoyed her straight forward approach when speaking to people. Now she grooms, promotes, and endorses books and total freaks. There are mediums, spiritualists, and life coaches up the kazoo...I can not stand three seconds of Dr. Phil, Oz, or the Wiz! I say 'enough' already, while others fear for people worldwide who might experience withdrawal symptoms when Oprah leaves. In case you are one of those, don't worry, there's an app for that...actually it's a blog.

When "Reality" Messes With My "Reality"!

Hey, I worked hard all week and all I wanted to do before gearing back up for another 40 hour grind, was to sit and enjoy some good ol' Celebrity Apprentice with NeNe and Star Jones going at it...but entering stage right was Obama butting in with his speech about his having just put a bullet in Osama bin Laden's head. Really? Do I care? Sadly, no. Since the original attack on the WTC, Osama had years in which to fan the flames of hatred towards the US and to think that the threat is gone now is asinine.





You tell me if you honestly think that Obama did not intentionally interrupt the Donald's hugely popular reality show, along with my own private two hour session of escapism? I think that Osama's death and timing of such had more to do with Obama's desire to tick off Trump than actually taking out a long standing terrorist...Just take a second to listen to the White House Correspondents' dinner where Obama relished his moment of roasting Donald Trump (a little too much in my opinion) just days before Osama's meeting with six, bad-ass Navy Seals. It's not very becoming of a world leader...

So Not Right

When I saw this photo online I couldn't believe a parent would actually put their child in something like this AND then take a picture - forever!

If you would, then you can buy your boob man shirt here. The other really nasty thing about this photo is that this kid's got teeth!! Maybe he's got a "soft" mouth like a good hunting dog, I don't know but it's wrong on a couple of different levels.

Update: It's Not Just Me!

I've discovered, by chance, that I am not the only one out there who struggles with my lackadaisical attitude towards housework!! There is actually a book, a tome, if you will, addressing the very concerns expressed in an earlier post bemoaning any time spent on housework and whether it's a worthwhile activity for any sane person, expecially a mom!

Well, worry no longer. Mary Randolph Carter has put all of these concerns into the wonderful book, Perfectly Kept House is the Sign of A Misspent Life: How to live creatively with collections, clutter, work, kids, pets, art, etc... and stop worrying about everything being perfectly in its place. Wow, what a title. Maybe I should start going by my maiden name as a middle name...it sounds kinda cluttery...I think I like the sounds of that!

Groupwork Sucks!

It's all one big frickin' fun-fest when you work in groups, right? Wrong and it was all my own damn fault. It was my hand that went up when no one else would volunteer during a staff meeting to join the two "golds" on the newly formed display committee, it was my voice that chirped, "I will", and then it was my dumbass that suggested "we" create a PowerPoint for the next meeting in order to present our recommendations and move forward in our merchandising of the library. The ultimate goal being the eventual attempt to go "Dewey-free". Think in terms of a bookstore. Great! An opportunity for all of us to have input on a final product that won't be a total dudster to sit in on and listen to at our next meeting because honestly, this crap is boring...!

So, we met and discussed our game plan. Good first step, check. We decided who would be responsible for what duties, check. We then came back together and discussed our progress, met with our boss and gave her the rundown, and then planned our presentation, check. Screech...back up! Remember the part where we discussed our various duties? Well, that consisted of us all agreeing to have input in the PowerPoint and the meeting presentation.

Long story short, I kept asking them for input and one would just say, "Oh, I trust you." and the other one would give me a print out of guidelines that she wants us to put in a handbook. This isn't rocket science people! We don't need a handbook to know how to put books on easels based on their spine label sticker. Can I jump off a cliff? Like now?! We need to figure out how we're going to make our recommendations to the group sound like they are their ideas and everyone's going to be excited about change and a bit more work.

I kept hoping that they'd step up and actually provide some input but I finally caught a clue and realized that it was on me to complete this task. I kept leaving blank slides and telling them to make changes and additions to it. No, it was all good, they said. So, when we got together to go over the final plans for our presentation, I asked who would like to present...yeah, they said "I could". One lady with the really nice printing did volunteer to write down audience ideas. The other one didn't even show up for the meeting. Man, I hate groupwork.

This is what groupwork is supposed to look like but that's not real life, is it?


So, in honor of others who've experienced this same BS, this is for you! This video is hilarious. I love her impersonation. Spot on!!

To You and Yours

I'd like to take a moment to express my thanks for everyone in my life and wish the very best to you and your family on this Thanksgiving eve. Here's hoping that nothing burns, the power stays on, no one drinks too much, everyone arrives safely and on-time, and that no one decides to talk about Glenn Beck, Snookie, or Jesus Christ. Here's to a neutral, family friendly holiday!

What's the Use?

Housework. The bane of my existence. On the whole, I believe that I maintain our home at an acceptable level. I think this to be especially true when I consider the fact that I grew up in a home where my mom had a propensity for hoarding. Her weapon of choice was mail. She couldn't throw anything out, especially the notices from the late Ed McMahon who would announce potential winners for American Family Publishers.

Who knew? I've not ever watched a single episode of the strangely popular show, Hoarders but I know people who do love watching it because they say it motivates them to clean their house. I think it's different for people who have lived with a hoarder...I can't imagine the allure of watching it. So, in order to avoid that pitfall I looked up some potential causes for clutter and thought I might address my clutter while keeping these points in mind.

1. You have too much clutter.
2. You don't have an established daily cleaning routine.
3. You don't do your cleaning routine often enough.
4. You never do a big clutter purge. 
5. You have kids. 
6. Your kids don't help with the chores.
7. Your husband doesn't help clean the house.
8. You don't know how to clean.
9. Your cleaning standards are too high. 
10. You really don't have the time or ability to clean. 

Chauvinistic Ad of the Day

There's a compilation of print ads from not-so-long-ago that are being compiled and promoted based on the fact that they would not make it off the cutting room floor if presented today, thank God! Some of these are ridiculous. Today's ad is a vintage stereotype about a woman's driving. Tell that to Danika!

Not Your Mama's Vampire Story

As I read the first chapter I knew that it was going to be "one of those" books. I would not rip through it like a bag of Lays potato chips...no, this one would be savored because I knew that this book contained a well-honed story, rich in characters, and plot development...yummy!

So, if you are swearing off vampires because you've overdosed on Edward, hang on, there is still hope. In, The Historian by Elizabeth Kostava, we discover a young girl, who although annoyingly, much like Bella in the beginning, lives a loving but lonely existence with her father. It's then we realize that she is telling her story as she tells his. In this mysterious account you must be willing to exchange Jacob for Barney, which then makes me wonder what Stephanie Meyer's was reading before she wrote Twilight. It's interesting that there are some obvious general comparisons that can be made but that's where it ends, directly at the point in which one author creates a tale steeped in historical research while the other author shows off her research on Harlequin romance novels. I'm not naming names but...

Then I found myself thinking back through time about my memories of Dracula and realized that it bit me before I hit puberty. There was Seasame Street, Old westerns, Anne Rice's Interview with a Vampire, Twilight, and now...The Historian. Oh, by the way, the last video, while around 9 minutes is totally worth the fun it pokes at Twilight and I think Perry's song is perfection!

Beautiful Point of View

When I saw the preview for the movie, Beautiful Losers, my first thought was of my experience in teaching 2nd grade and how sad it was when you came across kids who already were telling you that they "weren't an artist" and would hesitate in trying. That is so sad and I know that I have those moments of insecurity - we all do, but to look at people who create because that's who they are is truly beautiful.

The next thought to cross my mind when watching this preview was that I think I knew a lot of these people growing up and as friends of my younger brothers. 

Then I latched onto some of the artwork shown and thought, "I love that message!" I would like to text it right now to a couple of people I know but I don't have a cell phone - damn it!

Oblivious President

This morning I read a story about Obama congratulating his party on their efforts during the mid-term elections with more than a little amazement at the audacity of his statement; “This was about the volunteer effort, not the election result,” said Democratic National Committee spokesman Brad Woodhouse. “The party made 86 million voter contacts, we had staff or volunteers in 435 congressional districts, we raised and spent more money than ever in a midterm, we had the largest midterm field effort ever, we ran or staffed virtually all the coordinated campaigns in all the key states.”

The problem with this positive spin is that it flies in the face of his self- admitted "shellacking" and totally ignores the fears and concerns of most Americans regarding the US economy. It also glosses over the issue of political abuses and arrogance that impacts the voters daily in policy making. When will Obama and other representatives of we, the people, come to realize that there are problems and they're part of those problems?

Are You Kidding?

Yesterday morning I was appalled to hear on the radio (NPR) someone comparing the Driscoll Middle School team's trick play to that of child abuse. Really? I was impressed by the video when I originally saw it, so much so, I posted it on the teen blog that I maintain. I referred to it as thinking outside of the box. There are times and places that you have to make new rules without breaking the rules and for this guy to suggest that the coaches were being unfair by having the kids use a play that "they" created and not the kids, is a joke. Who does he (the guy from NPR) think makes up or decides to use plays in any sport that kids or adults participate in...too much PC and it's getting old, fast. It was brilliant and it's one of those plays that can be used only rarely because it is so brilliant in it's simplicity.

Then, if you've not seen the play yet, check it out!

Which Kid Were You?

Everyone on their deathbed will at least remember the first name of the kid who could (fill in the blank). From the coolest to the most disgusting memory, they are impressed upon our gray matter nonetheless (I love that word!). My list would start immediately with Aaron who had the most disgusting pair of Converse tennis shoes. They were an old black pair of Chuck Taylors and on the bus you could not only smell them from the front to the back, he would also proudly show you how the sole was literally rotting off the canvas. I believe duct tape was employed at some point to keep them on his feet.

Then there was the kid who constantly had his finger up his nose, the kid who had double jointed thumbs, elbows, or knees, the one that could flip his eyelids, the one who wore jeans that were way too tight - everywhere, or the girl who hid in the bushes and then later the coat closet ALL DAY long because she didn't like the perm her mom gave her. Then there was Chet who ran through the school with a huge bag of weed in the front of his pants yelling all the way that he had his pot in his pants. It was almost a John Hughes moment - so 80's. So, which kid were you?

 

Oh my goodness! 

 

I almost forgot to mention the kids who could cross their eyes, roll their eyes back into their head, on purpose, the genetically engineered freaks who could fold their tongues, and then for the pièce de résistance, the boy who could burp his ABC's.